I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
