good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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