Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
