just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
