hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
