you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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