You can't motorboat a personality
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
