if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
