U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Are we still banned from the library?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
