Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
