Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
