Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
