Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
