Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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