I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
