captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
