We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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