you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Randomize
