I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you inspire me to be a worse person
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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