drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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