Umm I'm too high to move.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
No subtext here. People are naked.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
