I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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