Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
