So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
