She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
