Your face is a jimmy john
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
