Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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