Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
