I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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