if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
