oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
