I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
