Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
