I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
