one two three fourrrrnication!
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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