Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
