I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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