dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
