have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
