I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
