Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
