what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
