i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
