From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
