Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
