While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
