i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
