just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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