It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
