Four minutes until I can fart!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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