VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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