So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There's even glitter on my cock...
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