I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
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