theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
