You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
