Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
