Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We had to coat check the pizza.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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